


Questions Answered in the Dark

by space_mermaid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Background Jily, F/F, Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round 2, Infidelity, Tragedy, late bloomer lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_mermaid/pseuds/space_mermaid
Summary: "It was said that they grew up too fast. But they didn’t grow up at all. Lily was fighting in a war as a teenager, married James at nineteen. She wasn’t ready to be a parent when she got pregnant, wasn’t ready to lose her life when she joined the Order. But life pulled them along like water and Lily got caught in the riptide."
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6
Collections: Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round Two!





	Questions Answered in the Dark

It was said that they grew up too fast. But they didn’t grow up at all. Lily was fighting in a war as a teenager, married James at nineteen. She wasn’t ready to be a parent when she got pregnant, wasn’t ready to lose her life when she joined the Order. But life pulled them along like water and Lily got caught in the riptide. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t love James. They had been through so much together, and he was a good man. She worried when he was off on missions with Sirius, the same way she worried about all of them. All her friends were important to her. 

But if they weren’t in a war – if they won this war, and actually transitioned to peace time – would she still want to be with him? Still wake up to him every morning, and go to bed with him each night? Raise a child with him? 

It spun around like an unanchored compass in her mind. She curled up on the bed in the dark, tortured with unanswerable questions. 

It didn’t matter. They were together and they had to stay together. It would be too messy, too dangerous to disrupt their dynamic now. If she broke James’s heart, he would be off kilter in battle, stop seeing straight. She wouldn’t put him in that position. 

But she tested things a little, when he wasn’t around. She couldn’t go out much when she was pregnant, so she often did research in safe houses. There were a few of them, pregnant contemporaneously. Molly Weasley. Martha Johnson. Alice Longbottom. They kept company. Lily was the youngest. It was just her and Alice who were on their first child. And they were due around the same time, too. 

Alice watched her, she had noticed. She sat with her late into the night, after the other women had gone to bed. She brushed her hair and moisturised her hands, and rubbed her back when the nausea overflowed. 

So Lily nudged her a little. Held her hand as they sat in front of the crackling fire. Tucked her brown curls behind her ear and kissed her cheek good night. Torturing herself. 

Until one night, they were alone. Lily traced the lines of Alice’s hand with her thumb, not looking at her. Alice stood up to go to bed, but Lily didn’t let go of her hand. 

“I don’t want to be alone,” Lily whispered. 

Alice tugged her up gently. “Then come with me.” 

Lily had never kissed a woman before. Now that she had, she could never go back. It was like kissing finally made sense, finally felt amazing, finally sparked a flame. Then Alice was panting her name, running her hands reverently under her robes. She cried at the softness of Alice’s skin, her gentle touch, her fragrant sex. 

Her questions, her doubt melted away. She couldn’t stay with James after tasting a woman. After the war, she would leave him. In peace time, she would be free. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for always making Lily cheat on James! They're all poly in the headcanons closest to my heart. :')


End file.
